The Selfish Philosopher Rages

" Johnny " wondered what he should type next. The cursor on his computer screen was blinking insistently in a blank white text box.

Above the text box was a chat discussion he had been having for the past two hours with a Filipina from the home country.

Until her last comment, everything had been going swimmingly well -- she seemed reasonably impressed by the fact that he lived in Los Angeles, had a job as an engineer, owned a Ford Mustang and still remembered enough Tagalog to avoid being "sold" in the market.

Although he'd never met her in person, he felt that he knew a lot about her due to the wonders of the internet.

From what he was able to glean from their prior chats, e-mails and pic sharing, the Filipina was not only young ,funny , and wicked , but she also possessed a sharp wit, friendly personality and a steamy, passionate side that occasionally bubbled to the surface in some of their flirty exchanges.

Johnny had known her in this way for the past three weeks. She was the shining beacon of hope and joy in an otherwise murky and dark sea of his mid-life despair, where the highlight of each day was when he repaired to the living room couch and dropped off into a restless, dreamless sleep each night.

His entire life had changed for the better since he inadvertently stumbled onto her blog in an adult dating site .

Inspired to say something witty, he posted a comment in one her more provocative blogs. She, in turn, visited his blog where she entered an equally cutting comment.

The rest, as they say, was history .... hopefully heading to a happily-ever-after-ending.

Or then again, maybe not.

He looked at her last comment , beads of perspiration forming on his forehead , and racking his brain as to how to reply to it --

"So, Johnny , are you married ?"

 The selfish philosopher rages

A Girl's Phone Number

When you you meet an interesting guy and he asks for your phone number , you wouldn't say no directly, instead, you would probably say :

" I'm sorry, I dont have a phone " .

Or you would give him the wrong number ..( the oldest trick in the book)

So, that leaves him no other choice than to give you his calling card or phone number.

But as soon as his back is turned , that piece of paper with his number on it would be shredded so fast, the CIA would envy your ability to destroy documents.

Bottom line is : A girl will never give you her phone number unless she digs you at some level..

And she will only give you her phone number if she expects you to call..

Thats the sad truth. Sorry , guys ! *hehehe

Smoke Break

I was having my smoke break with my co-worker Steffi when I saw this cute guy Steven  smoking near building entrance .

And since we aren’t allowed to smoke inside the building , Steffi and I went outside blow some smokes …

So I positioned myself  atop  the stairs ,a few steps above  Steven ( so I can view his strong back and gorgeous hair  ). I noticed some guys sitting on the steps below me . And one of them was sporting this weird Afro hairdo .

I was lost in thought, thinking about how good Steven  looked in his long -sleeved  attire when suddenly I heard Steffi let out an ear-shattering scream .

She had spilled her coffee on Steven's  immaculate white shirt  ! I almost jumped out of my skin , taken by surprise and dropped my cigarette  on Mr. Afro guy's hair …

F***k  I YELLED..The smell of burning hair wafted in the air as I kept saying while trying to remove the ciggie that was safely nestled on his hair .

I could hear a few snickers and giggles while I clumsily tried to extract the burning cigarette that seemed to have a mind of it's own ( the stupid thing found it's way deep inside the jungle that was Mr. Afro's hair )

The guy looked like he was about to hit me ..

Luckily , the cigarette  didn't burn his scalp . I apologized to the guy but had to run because my breaktime was almost over .

A few days later , after returning from another coffee  break  , my co-workers informed me that there was a guy looking for me earlier . I asked them who it was and they pointed to a guy walking towards me .

It was Mr. Afro hair himself .Now sporting a bald look .

" Excuse me , are you Ann  ? " he asked .

"Yeah , I am ". I replied .

"I need to speak with you for a few " he said .

"Why , what is it about ?" . I thought the guy was getting back at me for setting his hair aflame  .

" We're creating a new team , to handle escalated calls  and you're on my team "." I am your new supervisor ". He replied, with a smug look on his face .

What ??? I said, aghast ...

Only then did I realize the true meaning of the F word. ..

A Short Man Need Not Look Down At Me

He's 5 feet(in height ) and I'm 5'3 .Enough said.

I don't mean to sell him short , he's a nice , compassionate ,well-mannered guy .

Oh, I don't care if I can't wear my sexy,high-heeled shoes when I'm with him .

Once, when we were leisurely strolling at a mall, and I was holding onto his arm, he started to pull away when he noticed the people making double-glances at us.

When we kiss well .. It's really awkward ..

(And when he told me that the liked the smell of my hair , the first thing that came into my mind was a forwarded joke I got in the mail about a lady who filed a sexual harassment suit over the male coworker who said her hair smelled great......he was a "little person" or a "midget"....)

I soo wanna tell him that height is never an issue for me . But I don't want to embarass him.

Somehow, I feel that he doesn't feel very comfortable being seen in public with me

Oh well, at least I'll never have to worry about him looking down my blouse and oggling my bumpers*grins

Catwalk

Last weekend , we went to a fashion show because one of my friends was gonna walk the ramp (it was his first time)so me and my girlfriends went there to give him support .

For some silly reason , we all decided to wear short skirts ( something I'm not very comfortable with because I hate being stared at .}

So we were grouped in one table and were having pre-dinner drinks when I noticed this middle-aged man with a woman ( probably his wife ). They were seated right across me and he was blatantly staring at my legs .

I was annoyed but tried to ignore him at first .After a few minutes, I glanced at him and he was still staring at me , almost leering even ..

I was almost pissed so I stared back at him and mouthed the words "M-F".His female companion had noticed and was now looking at me like she would gladly pour the contents of her wine glass on my head .

The man mouthed back the word "B" and I retaliated with " A "...By now , I was having fun mouthing insults with him when one of my companions noticed .

" My gawd, Ann , are you in trouble again ?" "Nope, I'm having a blast here ", I replied ..

One of my male friends stood up and offered to exchange seats with me .

I looked smugly at the dirty old man. He looked very annoyingly at my friend's tatooed muscles and hairy chest ...

Serves him right.

A Lifetime Discount

Guy : Hey , wake up ! Come with me to the mall.
Girl : What for ? I'm so sleepy .
Guy : We're gonna have your phone downloaded with android apps so you can watch movies and call your best friend for free with your phone.

Girl : ( Feeling guilty ) Okay, okay, give me 15 minutes to shower..

An hour later, she listened nonchalantly  while the cellphone shop attendant patiently explained to her how to use the new phone applications that he had downloaded.

Girl : For the life of me, I wouldn't know how to use this thing .
Guy : It's okay, you'll get the hang of it..
Girl : I believe I need to have wifi internet to do crazy shit with this  phone.
Guy :.Let's get yourself a wifi router then ...
Girl : Where at ?
Guy: Your internet provider's office..

And so, they strolled hand in hand around the mall, wondering where the internet provider's office was located. The girl was beginning to get bored and irritated by now , not used to malling at being around a throng of people. She was feeling dizzy and nauseous and she swore not to visit malls in the near future.

Girl : And this is the reason why I buy almost all my stuff online , I'm beginning to have a fucking headache .
Guy : Relax sweety, we're almost there.

Then suddenly, there it was. The words  "SMART:" , prominently displayed on the store front.

SMART  Rep : Hi , how may I help you ?
Girl : I'm wondering how to go about upgrading my SMART subscription so I can have wifi internet at home?
SMART Rep: You don't need to upgrade. All you need to do is buy a wifi router.
Girl : And that's it ?
SMART Rep: Yes, that's it. And by the way, I can see on your file that you have an open contract .
Girl : Which means ?
SMART Rep:.Which means your contract with SMART has already ended.
Girl : Omg ! Yeah, I believe that was only for 2 years since I first joined SMART . And I've been a member for more than 7 years now. Which means that for 5 years, I was without contract and I could have switched internet providers, maybe even transferred to GLOBE..

SMART Rep : That's right, and because you're a loyal customer , I'm giving you a lifetime discount of 160 bucks  every month..

Girl : Are you serious ?
SMART Rep :. Yes. Now, you just need to fill out this form, and please a photocopy of your ID .
Girl : Oh wow. Thank you very much !. A lifetime discount ha. So I'm stuck with SMART for life ?
SMART Rep : You can leave at anytime Mam, because you're no longer under contract..
Girl : Thank you very much ! You guys are awesome :.

So the girl went to look for the guy outside the store . He was looking at some apple iphones outside the store kiosk..

Girl : I got myself a discount, I got myself a discount !

She was dancing and singing, oblivious to the people staring at her.

Guy : Looks like somebody is in a good mood now .
Girl : Omg yes ! I got a lifetime discount now, on a monthly basis !
Guy: Sounds good ! I'm glad you're happy and smiling now.
Girl : Thank you for bringing me here. Or I wouldn't have known that I was eligible for a discount. Yehey !
Guy: Cool ! Now, are you gonna treat me for lunch ?
Girl : ( does a mental calculation) *mmm. Okay. If I'm gonna save close to 2000 bucks a year, then I might as well treat to to a nice restaurant ..

And so they dined on a nearby restaurant and went home feeling like she won the lottery...

It only takes very little to make a girl happy.. Give her a discount !

Larry .

Today , I had a conversation with a very interesting guy. He was an older man, from New Mexico . A gold and silver coin collector , he was letting us know that he would be exchanging an American eagle silver coin for another similar item .

I listened to him drone on for a while and gleaned from our discussion, he seemed like a very kind and compassionate man .

Typically , I am very direct and abrupt. But this time, I simply let him go on and on. He talked about his family, his work as a geologist and his heart ailment ..

He talked about religion, politics , and his love for his country , the United States .

I couldn't help but admire him .

I wanted to chat with him until my 8 hour shift was over.

Alas, our conversation came to an end. I had to say goodbye..

Then he said the nicest thing to me that made me smile..

He said our conversation made his day.. And I told him the same.

I was still smiling when I hung up the phone ...

I have talked to thousands upon thousands of people over the phone.

He was certainly one of the most unforgettable..

His name was Larry